Stupid Christmas Carols - Baby it's cold outside

(I really can't stay) But, baby, it's cold outside
(I've got to go away) But, baby, it's cold outside
(This evening has been) Been hoping that you'd drop in
(So very nice) I'll hold your hands they're just like ice

(My mother will start to worry) Beautiful, what's your hurry
(My father will be pacing the floor) Listen to the fireplace roar
(So really I'd better scurry) Beautiful, please don't hurry
(Well, maybe just half a drink more) Put some records on while I pour

(The neighbors might think) Baby, it's bad out there
(Say what's in this drink) No cabs to be had out there
(I wish I knew how) Your eyes are like starlight now
(To break this spell) I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell

(I ought to say no, no, no, sir) Mind if I move in closer
(At least I'm gonna say that I tried) What's the sense of hurting my pride
(I really can't stay) Baby, don't hold doubt
[Both] Baby, it's cold outside

(I simply must go) Baby, it's cold outside
(The answer is no) Baby, it's cold outside
(The welcome has been) How lucky that you dropped in
(So nice and warm) Look out the window at the storm

(My sister will be suspicious) Gosh your lips look delicious
(My brother will be there at the door) Waves upon a tropical shore
(My maiden aunt's mind is vicious) Gosh your lips are delicious
(But maybe just a cigarette more) Never such a blizzard before

(I got to get home) But, baby, you'd freeze out there
(Say lend me a coat) It's up to your knees out there
(You've really been grand) I thrill when you touch my hand
(But don't you see) How can you do this thing to me

(There's bound to be talk tomorrow) Think of my life long sorrow
(At least there will be plenty implied) If you caught pneumonia and died
(I really can't stay) Get over that old doubt
[Both] Baby, it's cold
[Both] Baby, it's cold outside

     There seems to be a few version of this song floating around on the internet, and I can't really tell who own the copyright on it, but I'm sure it is copy written, what isn't these days? Some versions talk about a cigarette in place of the drink, but other than that they are both basically the same. The parenthesized words are what the girl is singing.
     I really dislike this song for so many reasons, but the biggest reason has to be the guy is such the opposite of everything a gentleman should be, rather than trying to look out for the lady and her needs/wants all he is thinking about is himself, lets jump in.
     In the first verse we find the girl telling the guy that she needs to start heading home, and the guy impressing upon her the fact that it's cold outside, as if she is too stupid to realize that, did she not travel through the outside to get to his house in the first place? It's clear she only came over the same day from the third line where the guy says he was hoping she'd stop over for a visit. I mean girls might not always be the brightest ;) but I'm pretty sure they know what the weather is like. (Before I get any hate mail, I'm totally joking about girls being stupid, I happen to personally know one of the brightest girls ever.)
     In the second verse the girl starts telling the guy some of the reasons she needs to go home, mentioning the fact her parents will be worried and pacing the floor, again impressing the importance of leaving soon. She obviously still lives at home if her parents are waiting for her, but she seems to be older than twenty-one as she is going to have half a drink more, in some songs it says a half a cigarette more here, which I think would mean she just would have to be older than eighteen, I don't smoke or drink so I'm not entirely sure on the rules about that. This guy is such scum, I can't understand why the girl is still in this relationship, he is trying to get her to stay longer even though she had told her parents that she would be home at a certain time. A real gentleman would be offering to get her coat and to drive her home, or if she has her own car to go out and start it up for her so it could idle for a while and warm up before she goes out to her car, but no, this guy isn't man enough to look out for her that way.
     Verse three is hard to break down, the girl is worried about what the neighbors think, which is a valid concern, but as long as she is of legal age what should it matter how late she is out, or where she has been? I'm assuming she is of legal age because of the drinking that was going on in the last verse. Then she asks about the drink, leading me to believe that the dude is drugging her, this song is really getting dark, what kind of monster is this guy? Evidentially quite the monster as we learn as the girl says she wishes she knew how to break this spell, (hint it's drugs, not a spell.) The guy can tell that they are working as he mentions her eyes are like starlight and then proceeds to take her hat, further proving the point that he isn't worried about the girls safety and well being but intends to keep her from leaving his house at all costs.
     The forth verse has the girl still holding out, trying to leave, trying to get back home to the safety of her family that actually cares for her. The scum of a male, I can't do men the injustice of lumping this slim in the same category as them, starts invading her personal space, moving in closer. He, should I refer to him as an it, I feel it would be more suited, bring us his pride, and somehow that her leaving will hurt it??? I don't understand that, I do understand that he really doesn't care for her as a human being, rather just as an object, something he can claim ownership of. By now he should have heated up a hot pack for her, wrapped her in a few blankets, and escorted her out to his car and then proceeded to drive her home, and see her safely to the door of her house. Where has chivalry gone? Can males no longer act like gentlemen and put a girls needs above their own. Free tip to all you guys reading this, treat girls the way you'd want to be treated, trust me it will make a difference.
     Where were we, ah yes, the fifth verse, nothing new here, just repeating what we already know, it's cold outside and the girl needs to go home. This verse must have been put in as filler, they just needed to get a little extra time on the album I guess.
     Sixth verse the girl is again mentioning her family that is waiting for her and how they are going to respond if she doesn't get home soon, but her resolve doesn't seem to be quite what it used to be as she is now offering to smoke another cigarette. Again, what is this scum trying to do to the girl, he tells her her lips are delicious, like is he trying to seduce her or something??? I have no idea what the line "Waves upon a tropical shore" is in there for, it doesn't seem to tie into anything, it certainly doesn't relate to her brother waiting at the door, and I can't see that it's suppose to relate to her 'delicious' lips. After hearing how her family is going to react, and if I were in this guys place, I'd bring her home right away. If there is one thing I know about having a girlfriend it's that you want the family to like you, from the sounds of things, her sister isn't going to trust you, her brother is going to beat you up, and I have no idea who the maiden aunt is, or what she is plotting, but I don't think you want to be on the receiving end of that either.
     The seventh verse again shows how little of a man this guy is citing the fact that the snow is up to the girls knees and that he is thrilled when she touches his hand, and asks how she can do this to him. I'm assuming that the this is trying to leave, the running theme in this song has been that only the guys emotions/feeling matter, and that the girl is there for nothing other than his pleasure, which is really a super miserable thing to say. The girl keeps stressing the fact that she needs to go to maintain her reputation, the last verse really drive this home.
     Almost done, the final verse, the girl makes her final attempt, he strongest argument, and her final plea, stating that if she doesn't get home her name will be slandered and that her reputation will be destroyed. The guy, rather than taking it like a kick in the but and getting her on her way ASAP he pulls out this garbage about her catching pneumonia, think of my life long sorrow if you caught pneumonia and died. For one cold weather doesn't cause pneumonia, so its just stupid to use that as an argument, second why should she only consider his feelings, wouldn't the rest of her family and friends be sad if she died? After the way she was talking about how her family would be eagerly awaiting her return I have to imagine they would be saddened by her death as well, but again, we see this scum of boyfriend material only cares for himself and his feelings. If he was really so worried about her getting sick he should do what I've said numerous times and drive her home so she doesn't have to be exposed to the cold, and if the snow honestly is so deep that he couldn't drive he should pull snow shoes out of the basement and walk her home, or put her on the dogsled and hitch the team up. The love he claims to have for this girl should motivate him to do ANYTHING it takes to get her home safely, to protect her name, and his, and to make her happy, but I digress, we've already established he is a worthless excusing of a living creature so I don't know why I expect anything out of this.

     So there you have it, what turns out to actually be a really disturbing Christmas song, all about how guys are worthless and don't care about other people, I have a feeling this song may have been written by a feminist, as it seems to run quite inline with what they think.

     Bonus rant:
     Why is the girl only wanting half a drink more, if she is going to have a drink she should drink all of it, think of all the poor starving kids in South America, (why should the Africans get all the attention?) they'd kill for half a drink and here this rich American is just wasting perfectly good alcohol.

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