Stupid Christmas Carols - Holly Jolly Christmas

Have a holly, jolly Christmas
It's the best time of the year
I don't know if there'll be snow
But have a cup of cheer
Have a holly, jolly Christmas
And when you walk down the street
Say hello to friends you know
And everyone you meet
Oh, ho the mistletoe
Hung where you can see
Somebody waits for you
Kiss her once for me
Have a holly, jolly Christmas
And in case you didn't hear
Oh by golly have a holly jolly Christmas
This year

(Have a holly, jolly Christmas
It's the best time of the year)

Have a holly, jolly Christmas
And when you walk down the street
Say hello to friends you know
And everyone you meet
Oh, ho the mistletoe
Hung where you can see
Somebody waits for you
Kiss her once for me
Have a holly, jolly Christmas
And in case you didn't hear
Oh by golly have a holly jolly Christmas
This year
Written by J. Marks, though he probably sold the copyright.


     A classic Christmas song if ever there was one, and you might be thinking, "seriously Nathan, what do you have against this old time classic?" Well buckle up because you're about to find out.
     This song really doesn't have too much going on, it's basically just one verse that repeats with a few minor changes so this shouldn't take too long. My first shot is going to be line two, where it says it's the best time of the year, now maybe I just wasn't alive at the time of the survey, but I don't ever remember being asked what the best time of the year is, and for this J. Marks guy to just come out and start throwing around "facts" or "statistics" as if they are actually true or carry weight seems pretty brash to me. I've been told there are a lot of people that hate Christmas, and would certainly not consider this the best time of the year, if that is you, I'm sorry, I unlike J Marks don't believe that a certain time of the year has been universally accepted as the Best Time. I think he needs to get his head out of the sand, who am I kidding, he's probably long dead already, the artists that are singing this song need to realize that not everybody agrees with them, and that's alright.
     Hey, can anybody tell me what a cup of cheer is? I looked it up online and didn't really find any good answer as to something I can drink. I found a lot of images and stamps that said cup of cheer, but nothing that actually explained what this drink or metaphor was suppose to be/mean. Obviously I understand that cheer, is akin to happiness and good natured feelings, and I've heard of being of good cheer, but outside of this one single song I've never heard anybody using the phrase have a cup of cheer, which leaves me wondering what it is suppose to be meaning for me to do.
     We can safely skip over several lines until we get to the part about the mistletoe, seriously, you didn't think I was going to pass this part up, this is just too good. We all know the tradition, you put up some mistletoe and for some unknown reason, other than a long standing tradition when a couple passes under it they are suppose to kiss, I guess it's like hitting your spoons on the sides of a glass at a wedding, nobody knows why we do it, but we all know that it's something that we do. Anyway, getting back on track so there is this mistletoe hanging in the middle of the room or something, a public-ish place, which is fine, I'm all for couples showing a little PDA, I find it rather sweet, much better than couples fighting and calling each other horrible things, I'm wandering off track though. So a girl is waiting for you, not actually you the reader, but ya, this girl is waiting, again very sweet but the next line just doesn't make sense, "kiss her once for me" Seriously, why would anybody kiss their significant other for somebody else, if this other person wants to kiss her they should do the kissing themselves. The girl wasn't waiting for the artist to kiss her, 'cause otherwise the lyrics would say somebody waits for me, but no, waiting for you. I'll go on a rant here for a minute, feel free to skip several lines if you don't like my rants, though I can't imagine why you'd be reading these stupid Christmas carol posts then. Okay, so I'm a guy, the singer is a guy, I'm not related to the singer, if the girl is my significant other, girlfriend, or spouse what are you doing trying to kiss her and what is she doing trying to kiss other people. Kisses aren't just for everybody, it's a way couple show they love each other, I kow some cultures kisses are a standard greeting, let me remind you, this song is in English, and we don't greet each other that way around here. This just makes no sense, I'm not going to give my girl a kiss for some other guy, that is just wrong on so many levels, and weird, like what would I do, give her a kiss, and then be like, "oh, and this dude wanted me to kiss you for him." Somehow I don't imagine that would go over very well, and would be super awkward.
     Rant over lets get back to the song, so it's been established that Christmas is "the best time of the year" but I guess the author/artists don't really believe that because they have to tell us to have a holly jolly Christmas, if it really is the best time of the year is there any way we could not have a holly jolly Christmas? I just love how after telling us what kind of Christmas to have they insult us and our ability to hear and repeat themselves, adding an expletive to make sure we're double sure to do as they say, which again we shouldn't even have to worry about because well  "it's the best time of the year"


     Scathing reviews, I know, and some of you are probably thinking, "wow, this guy really hates Christmas." Let me tell you, I don't, I like Christmas, I like the lights, the music, not most of these songs I've been writing about so far, but I actually have a few that I do like that I will be writing about in the next few days that are still stupid and full of things that don't make sense.

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