I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
Don't want a doll
No dinky tinker toy
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind do you
He won't have to use
A dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door
That's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning
Creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
When I open up my eyes
To see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles
No rhinoceroses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too

(swing it)

Mom says a hippo would eat me up but then
Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian

There's lots of room for him
In our two car garage
I'd feed him there
And wash him there
And give him his massage

I can see me now on Christmas morning
Creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
When I open up my eyes
To see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles
Or rhinoceroses-es
I only like hippopotamuses-es
And hippopotamuses like me too

     Let's start with some history, I know, who thought that there'd be something educational in this post. This song was first recorded in 1953 by a ten year old Gayla Peevey. Well she didn't record it, but she was the one singing. Interestingly enough it seems as if that version is the only one to ever make it to radio. The song was later used for a fund raising campaign to buy a Hippo for the local city zoo.
     Now it's time to bash this song, can somebody please tell me why a ten year old would want a hippo? they aren't cute or cuddly. Fun hippo facts: An adult hippo can weigh from two-thousand to five-thousand pounds, that's as much as a small car. Hippos can grown to be nine to fifteen feet long, again, as big as a small car. Hippos spend most of their time in water, up to sixteen hours a day, and can eat eighty pounds of grass a day. I don't know about you, but this doesn't really sound like the kind of pet I would want. Somehow I just can't see a Hippo being something to play with, it's big enough to accidentally squish you, and unless you like spending a lot of time in water, you won't even be able to hang our around it.
     In the second stanza we learn that Santa can skip using the chimney flue and bring the hippo through the front door. Two things are odd about this, firstly isn't Santa's bag magical, in that it can hold all the toys for every single kid in the world, and yet fit in his sleigh and down every chimney he goes through, so that wouldn't be a problem at all. The other thing is standard doors are usually around thirty inches wide, I have a suspicion that a hippo, even a baby is probably wider than that. Santa probably wouldn't be able to get the hippo through the front door. I'd say putting the hippo in the magic sack is the best bet here. I also have to wonder if this house is even capable of holding the weight of a hippo. When an engineer sat down to design it, I can't imagine he planned for floors strong enough to hold a hippo.
     Creeping down the stairs on Christmas morning is probably a good idea, I'm not sure how easily hippos startle, but I don't imagine you'd want to startle one, it might not end well. I do wonder, what does a hippo hero look like? does it wear a mask and cape? What kind of special powers does it have, if any.
     I'm glad to see that this child doesn't want Crocodiles or Rhinoceroses, as those are both probably worse than hippos. Crocodiles have mouths full of sharp teeth, and Rhinos have that sharp horn on their face. This is not to say that Hippos are a good choice, just of the three they are probably the least bad. How do you determine if a hippo likes you? has she noticed a certain hippo licking it's chops every time she goes buy, 'cause I think that just means that this hippo thinks should would make a tasty treat.\\
     I am torn between whether to agree with this child's mom or teacher, I mean yes, technically hippos are vegetarian, however according to National Geographic Hippos kill more people in Africa yearly than any single disease except malaria. So while yes, the hippo technically wouldn't want to eat you, there is a VERY GOOD chance that it would kill you just for fun. Actually it would kill you because they are extremely territorial animals, and would view you as an invader on their territory.
     Lots of room in the garage hu? why not just have Santa put it there for you? That would save the trouble of having to figure out how to get the hippo out of the house, and if it fell through the floor into the basement well then you'd have real problems. Most basement floors are poured directly on the ground below them, so it should easily hold the weight, I do wonder what you're parents would say about not being able to park their cars in the garage any more though. I wonder if this little girl has done her homework. The hippo would eat close to her weight in grass every day, that's a lot of grass to be hauling, not even sure where she'd find it, and massaging, give me a break, A hippo's skin is about half an inch thick, there is no way you're massaging through that. I don't care who you are.

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