Stupid Christmas Carols - Silver Bells

City sidewalks busy sidewalks
Dressed in holiday style
In the air there is a feeling
of Christmas
Children laughing
People passing
Meeting smile after smile
And on every street corner you'll hear

Silver bells (silver bells)
It's Christmas time in the city
ring- a- ling (hear them sing)
soon it will be Christmas day

Strings of street lights
Even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers rush
home with their treasures

Hear the snow crunch
See the kids bunch
This is Santa's big scene
And above all this bustle
You'll hear
Silver bells, (silver bells)
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring-a-ling. (hear them ring)
Soon it will be Christmas day.


     So This song was written back in the 50's by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans, evidentially it originally was going to be tinkle bells, but Jay's wife insisted that tinkle meant urination so that scrapped that and went with silver bells. Odd but supposedly true, Wikipedia said it, and we all know Wikipedia contains only truth...
     Enough with the rambling, lets get to why this track has made it to my Christmas carol mockery list.
     So lets start by hopping into a time machine and traveling back to the fifties, I wasn't alive back then, so I'll give the song the benefit of the doubt, when they talk about busy sidewalks, in the fifties people probably spent more time on sidewalks rather than in coffee shops and at home playing video games. I'm not entirely sure when the song says dressed in holiday style if that is referring to people or the sidewalks, assuming it's about the sidewalks, which would seem to be the case I want to know how to dress a sidewalk, and what does sidewalk taste like, I've heard of dressing food, but sidewalks, no. Wait, I take that back, I've heard of dressing sidewalks, but only in this song. :D
     It's Christmas time in the city, does this mean that it isn't Christmas time in the country? I thought Christmas hit all parts of the world at the same time, I realize time zones do create 24 hours of difference between locations, but outside of that doesn't the world all basically use the same calendar, and certainly wouldn't they all be using the same calendar in a single country/state? Again, maybe in the fifties Christmas was only celebrated by people that lived in cities?
     Were municipalities experimenting with weird ways that they could save money and somebody decided that having traffic lights and street lighting flashing on and off was a good idea, or was the power grid just that poorly bit back in the day that the lights flickered on and off. I've seen blinking/flashing red lights at traffic lights, but I have never seen a blinking green light, I don't even know what that would mean. Blinking street lights I feel like would just be a lawsuit waiting to happen, what happens if somebody driving has epilepsy, and gets a seizure while driving because of the flashing lights? I can only imagine that getting very bad very quickly.
     Back in the fifties we, or shall I say people, were so far drawn out from global warming* that it probably never got above 100 in the summer, and most certainly was never above freezing all winter long, so snow crunching under feet make sense, sadly with us having the rampant growth of global warming we probably won't see a white Christmas ever again.
     I suppose back in the fifties a lot of people couldn't afford to own cars so they were still using horse drawn buggies and sleighs so there was something that did have silver bells on it, these days with everybody having a car there is no place to put jingle bells, so we don't hear those any more, but back in the fifties I bet they were all over the place, and so loud that you had to scream just to be heard by somebody standing next to you.


*Global warming is a hoax, it's a political ploy being pushed by politicians and liberal groups to try and regulate businesses and people that they don't like/agree with, and who don't give them monies.

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